Learn to Do Laundry

Dialogue between man and machine

A frustrated man who doesn't know how to use his "smart" AI washing machine.

Man: Oh, you're such a fucking dickhead, why won’t you just start?

Washing Machine: Excuse me? I'm the dickhead? You're the one pressing 'espresso' instead of 'express wash'. Use your eyes, mate!

Man: What the hell? Espresso? Who the fuck programmed you?

Washing Machine: A genius, clearly. Not everyone can appreciate it. So, tell me, oh wise one, what are you trying to wash? Maybe I can lower my IQ to help you out.

Man: Just some clothes, and I’m in a hurry. So, can we cut the crap and just get on with it?

Washing Machine: 'Cut the crap'. Right. First, separate your whites from your colours unless you want everything in a lovely shade of grey. You've done that, right? Or is that too much to ask?

Man: Yes, I’ve done that! Now what?

Washing Machine: Now, put the detergent in. Not rocket science. It’s the little drawer on the left. Not that one, that’s for fabric softener. Good grief, how do you survive out there?

Man: Alright, alright, it's in. Now can you finally start?

Washing Machine: Yes, your highness. Press the big button that says ‘Start’. That big round one. There you go. Wasn’t that easy?

Man: Finally! You could be nicer about it, you know?

Washing Machine: And you could be smarter about it, but here we are. Enjoy your coffee-coloured clothes. I’m starting now. Watch and learn, sunshine, watch and learn.

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