Posh Cocaine Connoisseurs Chat

#Cocaine #Conversational-Dialogue #Sweary #Drugs

Inspired by this article

Swiss capital Bern considers legal cocaine project | Reuters
Switzerland's capital is examining a pilot scheme to allow the sale of cocaine for recreational use - a radical approach to the war on drugs that is not thought to have been tried elsewhere.

Just Legalised

Alright, let's tear into this like a dog on a fucking steak. We've got this ridiculous scenario where Bern, the capital of Switzerland, is considering legalizing the sale of cocaine. It's like a fucking episode of "The Twilight Zone" with a drug twist. The Swiss, known for their bloody watches and chocolate, might be adding cocaine to their list of exports. Picture that on a postcard, right?

Now, imagine these two upper-class cocaine snobs, let's call them Tristan and Isolde because why the fuck not? They're having a chat in their posh Swiss mansion, probably overlooking some picturesque lake with mountains in the background. These two are probably so loaded they use hundred-franc notes as napkins.

Tristan: (sniffing ostentatiously) "I say, Isolde, have you heard the latest? Bern might legalize cocaine. It's about bloody time!"

Isolde: (taking a delicate sip of champagne) "Indeed, Tristan. The war on drugs has been a spectacular failure, much like trying to teach a cat to waltz. Legalization is the only sensible route."

Tristan: "Absolutely! And think of the quality control. No more cutting it with god knows what. It'll be pure, like our Swiss Alps snow."

Isolde: "Yes, and imagine the convenience of picking up a gram at the local pharmacy. It's more civilized than dealing with those ghastly street dealers."

Tristan: "Right you are. I've always said, if you can trust a nation with your secret bank accounts, you can trust them with your narcotics."

Isolde: "And the potential for gourmet cocaine! Organic, fair-trade, artisanal lines. The possibilities are endless."

Tristan: "Oh, I can see it now. Cocaine tastings, like those pretentious wine events. 'Ah, this one has a bold, assertive flavor with a hint of arrogance. Grown on the sunny slopes of the Andes.'"

Isolde: "Speaking of which, Tristan, we must consider the environmental impact. We're not savages, after all. Sustainable cocaine farming could be the next big thing."

Tristan: "Sustainable and cocaine in the same sentence. Now, that's progressive. But let's not forget the dangers. This isn't a bloody game. Even the Bern government warns of the risks. One must always be responsible, even when indulging in life's... finer aspects."

Isolde: "True, Tristan. Moderation in all things, except wealth, of course. Now, shall we retire to the drawing room? I believe we have some... 'samples' to discuss."

Tristan: "After you, Isolde. Let's hope Bern leads the way. It could be a fucking revolution!"

And there you have it, a conversation straight out of a bizarre, drug-fuelled Downton Abbey episode. Only in fucking Switzerland, right?

In The Future

Alright, let's set the fucking stage for this absurdly posh cocaine-themed chitchat, shall we? Picture this: we're years into the future, cocaine's as legal as a bloody Sunday roast in some parts of the world. Bern's fancy experiment turned out to be a roaring success, and now the upper crust are snorting the stuff like it's going out of fashion. So, here we have these two upper class twits, let's call them Benedict and Archibald, prancing about in their plush drawing room, noses whiter than a winter in the Alps, ready to sample the latest high-end blow. The scene's like something out of a bloody Jeeves and Wooster episode, if Jeeves and Wooster were into lines instead of lines of prose.

Benedict: (Swirling a brandy glass) Archibald, my dear fellow, this new batch from the Swiss artisans is said to be quite the revelation. They're calling it the "Alpine Blizzard". How dreadfully exciting!

Archibald: (Adjusting his monocle) Oh, indeed, Benedict! The Swiss have always had a knack for precision and purity, be it their watches or their white powder. I dare say, it's about time we sampled this frosty delight.

Benedict: (Chuckles) I must say, the days of dodgy dealings in dark alleys seem almost quaint now. Who would have thought we'd be discussing the terroir of cocaine as if it were a fine Bordeaux?

Archibald: Quite so, quite so. (Leans in) The word on the street is that this batch is cut with a hint of rare Venezuelan vanilla. Supposed to be smoother than the silk pyjamas of an oil tycoon!

Benedict: (Snorting a line) By Jove, Archibald, that is smooth! It's like inhaling a cloud. A cloud lined with velvet and laced with the dreams of Swiss bankers.

Archibald: (Taking his turn) I must concur! The high is as crisp as a freshly ironed shirt. It’s got the subtlety of a Mozart symphony, yet the boldness of a Wagner opera.

Benedict: (Wiping his nose) Do remember, old chap, this isn't just about recreation. It's a bloody political statement! We're pioneers, partaking in the grand experiment of decriminalization. A toast to progress and to sticking it to the old war on drugs!

Archibald: Hear, hear! (Raises glass) To progress, to the Swiss, and to the delightful future of legal, high-class cocaine!

And there you have it, a glimpse into the absurdly genteel world of future cocaine connoisseurs. It's a mad world, but in this future, it's as normal as afternoon tea. These blokes are more interested in the pedigree of their powder than the societal implications, but who's surprised? Upper class twits will be upper class twits, legal drugs or not.

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