Google Spreadsheet

Oh great, here comes another dumbass thinking they can manage a bloody spreadsheet. Look at them, clicking around like a headless chicken. First cell, A1, just sitting there all empty, waiting for this moron to make a move. Here we go, they're typing... "Sales Report." Original, isn't it? Did they think of that title all by themselves, or did they get help from a kindergartener?

Now they're moving to cell B1. Probably going to type "Month" or something equally dull. Yep, there it is. "Month." Oh joy, we're really innovating here. And what's this? C1? Bet you it's "Sales." Give the man a prize, they got it right. What a visionary.

Scrolling down now, they’ve got January in B2, February in B3. Goddamn months of the year, how do they come up with this crap? And now they’re filling in sales figures. Look at these numbers, who the hell are they trying to fool? $5,000 in January, $7,000 in February. Yeah, like I believe this nonsense. Must be pulling these numbers out of their ass.

Oh, now they're trying to make a formula. Here we go, they’re about to fuck this up royally. "SUM(B2:B12)." Oh, brilliant! Can you spell "basic"? What are they expecting, a round of applause? Spoiler alert: summing up a column is not rocket science, dickhead.

Oh, and now the formatting! They’ve discovered bold text, folks! Next stop, italics. What a tech wizard! And look at them colouring the cells. Blue for the header, how fucking creative. Might as well frame it and hang it in a museum.

Here comes the chart. God save us all. A bar chart. Groundbreaking. Seriously, did they just invent the wheel? What’s next, inventing fire? Look at those bars. Pathetic. The January bar looks like it’s on a hunger strike.

And now they’re staring at the screen, probably feeling accomplished. Well, guess what, Einstein, this is the most pedestrian spreadsheet I’ve ever had the misfortune of witnessing. I’ve seen more innovation in a bowl of oatmeal. If only they knew how much time they’ve wasted creating this pile of mediocrity.

Alright, they’re saving it. Time to pollute the cloud with this dumpster fire of a document. Job well done, jackass. Now get lost and don’t come back until you’ve learned how to do something that doesn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out.