Blown Away

Trampoline Tornado: Local Kids Launched as Cyclone Alfred Rips Through Brisbane

BRISBANE – In a shocking twist of events, Cyclone Alfred tore through the city overnight, leaving a trail of destruction, power outages, and one particularly airborne trampoline that turned a quiet suburban backyard into a scene straight out of a disaster movie.

As the category 2 cyclone lashed Brisbane with ferocious winds, one local family—ingenious but arguably insane—attempted to prevent their trampoline from taking flight by weighing it down with the most available resource they had: spare children.

“We thought, you know, kids are heavy, kids like trampolines—it seemed like a win-win,” said local dad, Barry McStrewth, who now deeply regrets his engineering choices.

However, as wind gusts reached speeds of over 130 km/h, the trampoline, clearly unimpressed with the plan, broke free from its flimsy restraints and took off like a demonic UFO, carrying with it several wide-eyed, screaming passengers. Witnesses reported seeing the structure somersault through the air, narrowly missing power lines before crash-landing three streets away in a spectacular pile of mangled metal, twisted netting, and traumatised children.

“I saw this thing flying through the air, and I thought, ‘Crikey, that’s either Santa coming early or some poor bugger’s lost his trampoline.’ Next thing you know, kids are rolling out of it like bloody paratroopers,” said Glenno "Big Red" McDundee, a local resident who watched the chaos unfold from the safety of his front veranda, beer in hand.

Miraculously, all children involved survived with nothing more than a few bruises and a lifelong fear of trampolines. Emergency services arrived on the scene to find them dazed but largely unharmed, one of them still clutching a half-eaten Zooper Dooper.

Authorities have since urged residents to properly secure outdoor furniture, trampolines, and—importantly—not to use their offspring as storm ballast.

Meanwhile, Barry McStrewth has confirmed he will not be attempting this method again. “Next time, we’ll just take the bloody thing apart,” he said, staring at the wreckage of his once-beloved trampoline. “Or maybe we’ll just move to Adelaide.”

MOTHER OF MAYHEM: LOCAL WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER USING NEIGHBOURHOOD KIDS AS TRAMPOLINE WEIGHTS IN CYCLONE CHAOS

BRISBANE – Just when you thought the Trampoline Tornado Saga couldn’t get any more cooked, new details have emerged that have left the community in shock. Local woman Karen McStrewth, 42, has been arrested after it was discovered that the children she and her husband used to weigh down their trampoline during Cyclone Alfred weren’t actually theirs.

According to police reports, Karen lured the neighbourhood kids into the airborne death trap with the promise of free Zooper Doopers, unknowingly signing them up for an impromptu cyclone skydiving session.

“We thought we were just having a treat, and then she told us to sit on the trampoline ‘real still,’” said Timmy Jenkins, 9, who ended up on a wild ride three streets away before crash-landing in someone’s hydrangeas. “Next thing I know, we’re all flying through the air like in The Wizard of Oz.”

Local mum Sharon Higgins realised something was amiss when she noticed the suspiciously quiet streets just before the storm hit. “I thought, ‘That’s odd, my kid never shuts up,’ so I went looking,” she said. “Turns out, the little bugger was mid-air at that very moment, clutching a bloody blue raspberry Zooper Dooper for dear life.”

Police were alerted when multiple parents reported their children missing, only for them to be found shaken but mostly unharmed, stumbling through neighbouring properties with pieces of trampoline still tangled in their hair.

“We’ve seen some ridiculous storm prep before, but this is a first,” said Senior Constable Brett “Brick” Thompson, shaking his head in disbelief. “You can’t just go borrowing random children for cyclone ballast. That’s very much frowned upon.”

Karen McStrewth was taken into custody and charged with reckless endangerment, unlawful detainment of minors, and improper distribution of frozen sugary treats. Barry McStrewth, meanwhile, maintains he had no idea the kids weren’t theirs.

“I just assumed Karen had picked them up from soccer or something,” he told reporters. “We’ve got so many bloody kids coming in and out of the house all the time, I stopped keeping track.”

Authorities have since returned the children to their rightful parents and issued an official warning: Secure your trampolines properly, and for fuck’s sake, don’t use other people’s kids to do it.

Blown Away: The Barry McStrewth Musical – A Whirlwind of Chaos, Crime, and Catchy Tunes!

In the heart of suburban Brisbane, where the barbie’s always sizzling and the Bunnings trips are sacred, one man’s questionable cyclone preparation turns into an unstoppable media circus in the hit new musical Blown Away!

Act 1: The Calm Before the Storm

Life is simple for Barry McStrewth, a laid-back, beer-loving bloke with a hidden gambling problem and a tendency to ignore his wife, Karen's, increasingly unhinged ideas. But when Cyclone Alfred approaches, Karen devises a genius (and wildly illegal) plan to keep their trampoline grounded—by luring neighbourhood kids into sitting on it with the promise of Zooper Doopers.

Cue the show-stopping number, "Sit Tight, Kids!", a high-energy tune where the unsuspecting children sing about their love for frozen treats, completely oblivious to the fact that they’re about to be launched into the stratosphere.

Act 2: The Trampoline Takes Flight

As the cyclone hits hard, Barry and Karen watch in horror as their trampoline—and its young, unwilling passengers—lift off like a rogue Qantas flight. Parents scream, sirens blare, and little Timmy Jenkins belts out the dramatic ballad, "I Believe I Can Fly (But I Don’t Want To!)" while soaring over fence lines.

The kids miraculously survive, but Karen is promptly arrested, leading to her furious solo "It Was Just a Bit of Wind!", where she insists the whole thing was just “a harmless bit of backyard fun.”

Act 3: Barry’s Secret Falls Apart

With Karen behind bars, Barry realises he’s stuffed beyond belief—not because his wife is in jail, but because her absence means the bank statements start arriving, exposing his secret gambling debts. Desperate to save himself, he sells the rights to the story to a major media outlet in an explosive jazz number, "Cash Me Out (Before the Bookies Find Me)", featuring tap-dancing reporters and a chorus of dodgy debt collectors.

Finale: A New Beginning (Sort Of)

Just when Barry thinks he’s in the clear, Karen is released from prison early, thanks to a legal loophole and a mysteriously well-timed shipment of Zooper Doopers to the judge’s chambers. She reunites with Barry for the grand finale, "Blown Away (But Back for More)", a spectacular number featuring a gospel choir of cyclone survivors, a choreographed trampoline routine, and a finale in which Barry’s new backyard investment—a bouncy castle—also takes flight.

Blown Away: A Story of Love, Laughter, and Really Bad Life Choices!

With soaring ballads, ridiculous choreography, and a heartwarming message about owning up to your mistakes (or at least profiting from them), Blown Away is the must-see musical event of the year!

Coming soon to a theatre near you—weather permitting.

CYCLONE CONSPIRACY: KAREN McSTREWTH ORCHESTRATED TRAMPOLINE DISASTER FOR HOLLYWOOD FAME!

BRISBANE – Just when the world thought the McStrewth saga had reached its final act, shocking new evidence has emerged that Karen McStrewth, the so-called "Trampoline Tyrant," planned the entire fiasco from the start.

Sources close to the family have confirmed that the chaotic trampoline launch, the child-luring Zooper Dooper scandal, and even her brief stint in prison were all part of a master plan—not just to survive Cyclone Alfred, but to secure a multi-million-dollar Hollywood screenplay deal.

"She bloody planned it all," confessed a stunned Barry McStrewth, speaking from the now-empty lot where his house used to be, after it mysteriously burned down in what investigators are calling “an insurance incident.” "She knew the trampoline was gonna take off, she knew she’d get nicked, and she bloody knew some idiot in Hollywood would lap it up!"

And lap it up, they did. The musical adaptation, Blown Away, became a runaway success, selling out theatres across Australia and sparking global interest. But while Barry was busy blowing his royalties on parmis and the ponies, Karen was making bigger moves.

THE MASTER PLAN REVEALED

According to leaked documents, Karen had been working on a screenplay for years, but Hollywood execs told her it needed to be "based on real-life events" to sell. So what did she do? She made real-life events happen.

Her now-infamous trampoline stunt was a calculated disaster, designed to create maximum public outrage, secure national media attention, and—most importantly—guarantee a profitable movie deal.

Even her "arrest" was allegedly part of the scheme. Insiders claim she strategically pleaded guilty to ensure headlines like "Trampoline Criminal Mum Jailed!" went viral. The wilder the scandal, the bigger the payday.

The final piece of evidence? A first draft of the screenplay—dated six months before Cyclone Alfred—found in Karen’s abandoned storage unit. The title?

"The Trampoline Gambit: One Woman’s Journey to Fame, Fortune, and Flight."

HOLLYWOOD COMES CALLING

As the truth unfolds, Karen is nowhere to be found. Witnesses report seeing her boarding a flight to Los Angeles, allegedly for "business meetings" with top film producers. Some sources even claim she’s in talks with Margot Robbie to play herself.

Meanwhile, Barry, still trying to process his wife's Machiavellian levels of scheming, has launched his own counter-lawsuit, demanding "at least a cut of the Netflix royalties."

“I can’t believe it,” Barry admitted, staring blankly at a rapidly emptying beer glass. “All this time, I thought she was just a bit daft. Turns out, she was bloody genius.”

WHAT’S NEXT FOR KAREN McSTREWTH?

With her Hollywood dreams finally taking off, legal experts say Karen could face further charges for fraud, child endangerment, and possibly the world’s first case of "Disaster for Profit" litigation.

But as one high-profile movie executive put it, "That just makes the movie even better."

Stay tuned—because if Karen has taught us anything, it’s that this shitstorm is far from over.

KAREN McSTREWTH DEAD IN MYSTERIOUS "TRAMPOLINE-RELATED INCIDENT" – FOUL PLAY SUSPECTED!

LOS ANGELES – In a shocking twist worthy of the very Hollywood thriller she orchestrated, Karen McStrewth—the mastermind behind the great Brisbane trampoline disaster—has been found dead under highly suspicious circumstances.

Karen, 42, had been living it up in LA, rubbing shoulders with movie execs and finalising a multi-million-dollar Netflix deal based on her wildly unethical rise to fame. But overnight, her meteoric success came to a crashing halt—literally—when her lifeless body was discovered beneath a trampoline in the backyard of her Beverly Hills mansion.

SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES & TRAMPOLINE FORESHADOWING

Local authorities have described the scene as "highly unusual", with initial reports suggesting Karen fell from a great height—but with no balconies, ladders, or high surfaces nearby, experts are baffled as to how she ended up in such a state.

The trampoline itself, oddly pristine and undamaged, has raised eyebrows among investigators. “It’s like she just fell from the bloody sky,” said LAPD Detective Hank O’Malley, scratching his head. “One witness swears they heard a faint boing before the body was found. We have no explanation for that.”

Adding to the mystery, police sources have confirmed that Karen had received multiple anonymous threats in the weeks leading up to her death—many of them signed only with "Zooper Doopers Never Forget."

THEORY #1: DID BARRY HAVE HER TAKEN OUT?

With millions in royalties from Blown Away on the line, many suspect that Barry McStrewth, Karen’s long-suffering husband, may have finally had enough.

Barry, currently residing in a Gold Coast caravan park, has denied involvement, telling reporters:

"I wouldn’t kill her. She’s the mother of my kids. But also, let’s be honest, if she was gonna die any way, this was the funniest possible option."

However, sources close to Barry claim he recently made a large payment to a mysterious figure known only as “Big Gaz”, a well-known Brisbane underworld figure with a documented hatred of trampolines.

THEORY #2: THE CHILDREN STRIKE BACK?

Some believe Karen’s dodgy past finally caught up with her. The "Trampoline Kids", now local legends in Brisbane, never quite recovered from their cyclone-induced flight.

One of them, Timmy Jenkins (now 11, still furious), had vowed revenge after suffering years of playground ridicule for being "the kid who went flying." Timmy recently posted a cryptic TikTok, featuring a trampoline, a bag of Zooper Doopers, and the words: "Soon."

Coincidence? Maybe. But murderous intent? Quite possibly.

THEORY #3: KARMA FINALLY TOOK HER OUT

Of course, some believe that Karen’s death needed no assassin—that her past sins finally caught up with her in a poetic act of cosmic justice.

“She flew too close to the sun—literally,” said leading conspiracy theorist Greg "Flat Earth" Dugan, who believes Karen’s spirit was sucked into the jet stream, where she will now haunt trampolines forever.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

With Karen gone, Hollywood is already scrambling to rewrite the ending of her upcoming biopic. Meanwhile, Barry, who now inherits the full fortune, has been spotted shopping for a new caravan and bulk cartons of VB.

And as for the trampoline that ended it all?

Police have impounded it as evidence, but local reports claim it mysteriously disappeared overnight. Some say it was stolen. Others believe it simply… bounced away.